Friday, February 26, 2010

Interracial Love in South Africa

Collectively speaking, I believe this country will never be fully “ok” with interracial relationships (IRR) between black women and white men. America suffers from too much historical baggage and an extreme case of “damn can’t we just move on?” deficiency. Furthermore I feel that this country is uncomfortable seeing a black women paired with ANY man perceived to be non-black. Nonetheless, that’s not what this site is about. This site is about OPENLY exploring your options of interracial dating/marriage regardless of who you are and where you come from.

Naturally my postings are from an African-American woman’s perspective. However I’m about finding and maintaining IRRs regardless of race, creed, culture or gender. It's about being with someone even if that means losing ‘so-called’ friends and family. Sometimes it takes an IRR to find out who your real friends are. Sometimes an IRR will even expose the undeniable fact that families will never give your relationship the love and support you may need. As I said before, never let someone else’s discomfort dictate who you're attracted to or fall in love with!

Now on to the Video of The Week:

I picked this video because there’s no denying the fact that America is light years behind the acceptance of bw in non-black romantic relationships. This video echos that statement and much more. Without giving too much of the video away, a couple of statements that stuck out for me:

Nomfumdo: On past relationships: "We both were equal opportunity lovers".

Hagan: On what their society's views are in terms of IRRs: "The cultural thing outweighs the color thing".

Reflect and enjoy...

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

**New Site Alert** Lovers of Vanilla

"This blog is dedicated to supporting black women who choose to date/marry outside of their race and giving them a peacefull place of private refuge,helping them climb the social ladder and to show them they deserve better and as for the non-black men who love us you are VERY WELCOME to send any enquires to me...NO HATERS ALLOWED."

Alrighty then...I love it LOL
ETA: Blog Site @ 12:53 am- sry my bad :->

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Branding of The Black Woman- By Eryn-Ashlei Bailey

The popular image of black women seen in handkerchiefs covering their unruly hair, not holding intelligent conversation, and as very obese also served to mediate the tense sexual relations between white men and black women in the antebellum and post Civil War era in the U.S. The image of black mammy served to “desexualize” the black woman who would be in such close proximity to the powerful white male.

As we examine the research done on mammies, we will find that this view of black women is incomplete and inaccurate. Yet, this perspective of black women has greatly shaped the economic success of black women in America and has led to further misconceptions of black women in the present day. more after the jump...

Interracial Couples Face Discrimination From Others

By Caylor Ballinger | Lubbock Avalanche-Journal
Tuesday, February 23, 2010

“In my language we don’t even have words like race or ethnicity,” Lap said.
“Here racism is a common word.” 'Nuff Said!

It has been 46 years since the Civil Rights Act was signed. However, interracial couples today still face problems. 

Still, after dating for a few years, Lap and Julia Sui married with their parents’ blessing in 2004.

“My parents were fine with our marriage, but the only thing they were concerned about was getting a divorce since divorce, rates are much higher here,” Lap said. “Marriage in our village is very strong. Almost nobody ever gets divorced.”

Discrimination toward their son and daughter in Texas was something the couple was warned about by friends in North Carolina. "People warned me that my children may be treated differently here, read more...

Stay True To Your Own Beauty...

"Stay true to your own beauty,and it will be appreciated by someone you meet. "
-quote by an arrogant bastard who quotes himself (Tenchijk)

I had another video that I wanted to post as vid of the week..ok, so I'm an official stan LOL. But I'll still post the other video later this week because I want to do a serious reflective blog on the other one. Lata!

Monday, February 22, 2010

3 Quick Tips To Ensure A Successful First Date

An attractive white man and gorgeous black woman walks into a crowded restaurant holding hands. As the hostess motions them to their table, a fair number of patrons began to sneak curious glances at the couple. As the handsome gentleman pulls out a chair for his beautiful counterpart, he's met with a few sneers from some of the restaurant goers.

When the beautiful woman sits down, the couple instantly become engaged in light conversation which includes looks of longing and laughter between the two. Although many of the guests grab quick looks of curiosity, the sexy couple seem oblivious to their surroundings. It's quite obvious they're completely enamored with each other. A first date such as this can be achieved by following 3 simple steps:

1. While on an outing together, realize that you're on a date with him/her...not the rest of the world. This is about the two of you. Put your best foot forward and just relax.

2. As with any other date, make the topics of discussions light and friendly. The general rule of thumb for first time daters is to stay away from politics, race, and religion. If you make it past the first date, you'll have plenty of time to talk about hefty issues.

3. Zero in on your date. In other words, focus on what your date is saying and try not to monopolize the conversation.

Glances of disbelief and amazement are the little idiosyncrasies that interracial couples are faced with from time to time. Yet the degrees of rubbernecking are often determined by the areas in which you may reside. The more culturally diverse the region, the less interracial couples are viewed as an oddity. With that being said, never let someone's discomfort deter you from choosing who you wish to be with. Nor let them ruin your first date!

Selena Walker, Basic Author

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Hey...What's Up With That?

Ok so I was over at earlier today because I received an alert about a new Interracial Dating group in my area. Well not exactly in my area...more like an hour away. Being the opportunist that I am, I jumped at the chance to sign up.

As I'm scrolling thru the member panel I noticed something vaguely familiar. Lo and behold the group has about 60% black women, 30% black men and 10% "others". Okay maybe not exactly 60% black women but there's a lot. The 10% "others" group consisted of white women mixed with a sprinkle or two of white men. So what's up with that?

 Approximately two years ago, I joined another interracial Meetup Group. In the beginning, it started out rather strong. The young woman that started the group was quite passionate about it. She planned several outings and posted several thought-provoking topics about race and relationships on the message board.

However the group had a less than stellar attendance rate on the days of the events. Whenever I was able to show up (another hour-long trip), the same sad people were always there: 3 women (2 white, 1 black), and this random black dude who looked like he stepped right off the set of Good Times.  So what's up with that?

In social network sites like Facebook and MySpace, the interracial groups for black women are staggering. There's always an overabundance of black women and a small number of men. So what's the use in joining when the ratio is like 10 to 1? Keep in mind after I posted an article explaining the "How To" date black women on another site, the majority of my readers were/are white men-as is my other article aimed at black women who're interested in dating white men. The most common searches/terms that are used to find the articles are "what types of black women date white men" and the ever popular "how to approach black women".  So what's up with that?

Sometime last year I joined a message board specifically targeted at black women and our issues. However I ended up canceling my membership because every time a subject came up about black women and interracial relationships, the topics were overtaken by a disgruntled troll black man who expressed how disappointed he was at the increasing numbers of black women who are choosing to date/marry non-black men. So what's up with that?

While it's true that black women and white men are dating and/or marrying more than ever, finding each other can sometimes be quite precarious and fruitless. Stereotypes faced by both have created a social barrier for some and uncertainty in most. However with the growth of technology and a range of never-ending choices to meet, the gaps are slowly closing between the two. With the proper mix of dating sites, niche groups and inclusive activities, your odds will should greatly improve.

Why Do You Join Meetup Groups?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

8 Reason's Why I Love VH1's Let's Talk About Pep

8. Her side-kicks have distinct but plausible personalities.
7. Tiffany (I Love New York) Pollard is not in this.
6. I love Kittie's laugh.
5. Did a pretty decent job in profiling black women dating in America.
4. Did I say New York's not in this?
3. Pep’s ongoing storyline of her interracial relationship with an Asian dude name Tom (who cooks his a** off).
2. Pep produced the show.

1. Being responsible for the scene where old boy's s-curl catches fire. That right there will go down in television infamy!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

**New Site Alert**

Well I think I may be late to the party on this one.  Hot sexy site from a man's perspective.  Features hot videos, provocative photos and some controversial topics.  Damn sounds like Hustler LOL.


**New Site Alert**

Came across this site through the
the grapevine.

 Looks awesome!

WHY Does the Media Continue to Run These Stories??

Unless you've been under a rock, you know that every since First Lady Michelle took office, its been open season on black women in this country.  I hate bringing light to subjects that don't bring value to black women but I just have one question...where in the hell does the media find these folks?

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Secrets To Approaching Black Women

Are you a white man who's attracted to black women although you have problems approaching them? Frankly, approaching black women is no different from approaching any other women. However there are a few underlining issues which are affecting the way white men are dealing with interracial dating.

In my opinion, the reasons white American men find it difficult to approach black American women is partly due to stereotypes about black women. Unfortunately the stereotypes are distributed by mainstream media. Secondly, white men are often haunted by the "what-if" factor. The "what-if" factor is basically the fear of the unknown. Some popular "what-ifs" are: "what if she says no", "what if she laughs at me", "what if she doesn't like my white skin", "what if she has a boyfriend", "what if she only likes black guys" "what if she goes off on me"...well you get the picture. Thirdly, pressure from family and/or friends can sometimes be the cause for not getting involved with a black woman.

Now let's address these issues:

Stereotypes/Social Stigmas - Contrary to rap music, rap videos, VH1, BET and other "news-worthy" sources, black women are not gold-digging, over-sexed, man-eating hood rats. Nor do black women believe that every white man they come across sits on his front porch wearing a Klansman robe whittling wood. Until both parties understand, and acknowledge stereotypes for what they are, dating/marrying each other will continue to be difficult.

The "What if" Factor - Gentleman, rejection is a normal part of dating. You win some you lose some. Don't take it personal. For every black woman who says no, there will be 5 that will say yes. It's just that simple. Getting rejected by a black woman is no different from being rejected by a non-black woman. There are no 21 gun salutes, no fireworks and no explosions if a black woman turns you down!

Friends and Family - Pressure from friends and family is often the biggest opponent to white men dating black women. Don't fall into this trap and risk your happiness based on someone else's views and opinions. You may find yourself stuck in an unhappy situation always having regrets because you didn't follow your heart.

Ok now that we got the underlining stuff out the way, on to the secrets of the approach:

In general we (black women) are socially conditioned to believe white men aren't attracted to us. Many times we miss the subtle clues that white men give out because we're used to the aggressive approaches that black men tend to display. However black women all over the country are starting to take notice of these clues, opening their minds and are responding in kind! With that being said, let's discuss a few scenarios:

Scenario 1- Grocery Store:

Ok you see a hot black woman standing in the baking or pasta isle. As you approach her, make sure you're holding a food product in your hand. Start out by asking her a question about the product, such as "Excuse me, can you please give me some advise on xyz", or "Do you know how to cook xyz". Better yet, ask her an opinion about xyz product. Tell her you read a review on it and wanted to try it out. Another idea that works is to explain that your little niece asked you to pick up product xyz...or this is the first time you've actually cooked xyz... ask her for the baking time... so on and so forth. The point is, you're trying to make conversation without being overly aggressive or threatening. If you happen to be in the produce section, ask her if she knows how to cook fresh broccoli... or what's the difference between collard greens and mustard?. Tell her that you're a bachelor and you're planning a home-cooked meal for your mother... what doe she suggest you cook for the meal? During the little exchanges be VERY aware of her body language and her responses. If her responses are very short that means that she's either in a hurry or she's not interested. If she's giving you a lot of eye contact, smiling or trying to prolong her responses she's interested.

Scenario 2- The Mall/Clothing Store

Same premise as the above. You see an attractive black woman looking at clothes. You approach her with a sweater/shirt/tie. Ask her for an opinion on the style or color. Tell her that you got invited to a wedding... haven't worn a suit in while... how does xyz look on you? Say you're picking up something for a little brother, sister, a nephew. Anything that will give her the impression that you need her advise. Look for wedding rings, ring marks or any other clues that will give you the impression that she's single or interested.

Scenario 3- Eye Contact

Nothing irritates us more than a white guy staring and NOT saying anything (or staring and looking away). This is probably the biggest complaint that I hear from black women constantly. Fellas you have to master the art of "eye flirting". It's imperative if you don't want to look like a pervert or a loser. If you want her to know that you want her, throw a few lingering glances her way followed up with a flirty grin. Better yet, if you find yourself in awe of a beautiful black woman try the "triangular formulation". This involves looking at a woman eye to eye, then down to a woman's mouth and chin, down to the rest of her body and back up to her eyes again. Sexy!

In conclusion, if you're shy or are having a hard time meeting eligible black women in your area, try online dating sites that cater to interracial dating. This helps weed out the women who don't date white guys and saves you a lot of time and hurt feelings. It also builds up your confidence. Remember the purpose of online dating is to eventually meet someone. Don't use this method as a social crutch. Most of all have fun and don't take things personally!

It's hard meeting the right person let alone trying to meet someone whose opened to interracial relationships. With a little patience and putting yourself out there sometimes, dating can be a rewarding experience. Niche dating sites and interracial social events are very helpful and will ease any anxiety you may feel when approaching other like-minded people.

Selena Walker, Basic Author

An Asian Man's Guide To Dating Black Women

According to every statistic that's ever printed, written and video taped, African American women and Asian men are the least likely to hook-up. So imagine my surprise when I found this gem over at Articlesbase:

"This is a short Asian men dating black women guide. If you're an Asian guy who love brown women (like one of my friend) I'm going to give you a couple of information to find yourself a black girlfriend -- because finding a brown girlfriend does not hold to be hard, if you know what to do. I'm going to show you how to dress, so you instantly attract dark skinned women and they will compliment you like no tomorrow."


I mean aside from the grammatical errors throughout the post, I don't know if I'm offended or honored. But I have so many questions. The author goes on about what he believes will be instrumental in getting your very own dark-skinned black woman:

"Where to meet (plenty) of Black women There are certain parts of the city where there are dark skinned women, just like how there are Chinese people in China town."

How cute!

He then suggests hanging out at the local coffee shops and malls. Hmmm the only black women that I see at my local Harris Teeter Starbucks are the one's that work there. Now the mall, that's a different story.

He continues by offering some fashion tips and encourages his male readers to "take action" to change their social life. I believe this is the best advice anyone can give because its true. I believe too many of us don't this due to fear of the unknown or fear of rejection.

Life is too short to not experience it and too short to worry about how others perceive you. So get out there and start mingling at those coffee shops!