Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Does Your Family Ask You to Dumb Yourself Down For a Love Interest?

While surfing the net this morning, I came across this post on an interracial forum:

Hello everyone. For the last eight years I started dating, black, white, whatever.  I recently told me [sic] mom that I was dating a nice white man. He is so f-ing great. She told me that she would pray that I find a black man and told me that If I wanted a black man to stop telling them that I am smart and do kick-boxing.  I like who I am and who I'm dating. But she is so serious about this and has stopped talking to me because of it- Spottedfeet, 25 Years old, Louisianna

Seriously? In 2011 there are parents telling their daughters (specifically mothers) not to let a man know how intelligent they are.  I’m all about being a little competitive on the battlefield but this is both sad and ridiculous. I’m also disturbed that  her mother is trying to push her into a relationship with an insecure man just because he's black however giving her grief for dating a white man. Thankfully this young lady knows her worth and has reached out to share her situation.  *Sigh*

Spotted over at Daily Strength.

I'm out!


  1. My mother also feels that BW should lower there standards to have a bm because of things that idiots like Steve Harvey have said. Personally, I'd rather be alone than with a lazy loser. I even told my 7 year old niece not to date an ex-convict and my mother says "but they're people too." Lawd help us." I wish I had said "so are BW, we deserve to be with men who are smart and honest enough not to commit crimes." I pray for BW...I really do! Btw, my mother could be called a doormat for BM, if you look at her history.

  2. This type of thinking has been passed on from generation to generation. Not just black women but all women. I can def. tell you that between dating bm and wm...it was bm that were the most insecure while I was attending college. Many of them thought it was a good idea to go to school until they saw that i actually had the potential to graduate. One even wanted me to drop out of college because "I no longer needed it, since I now have him". ha where is he now? this was about 5 years ago. Mind you this guy didn't have a promising future for himself anyway.

    When I dated wm they were more than interested in me continuing school and even gave me tips on how to get into interships and even helped me write a paper for a class I was taking. When I mentioned that i wanted to travel the world, they too were just as excited that I wanted to do so and even wanted to take me there themselves.

    I find that men all races value education, this includes bm from foreign countries. My parents are one of them...who enstilled education to me and my siblings. I cannot for the life of me understand why there are people who do not value education becuase they think they will hit the jackpot like "Bill Gates/Donald Trump" when they don't realize Bill and Donald were born into wealth.smh.

    To the 25 yr old...I am the same age...take my advice that a friend gave me..."only date smart men, don't marry a dummy, otherwise you will have a dumb life". Don't worry about your mama she'll get over it. Because when she sees that you are living well with a man who is allowing you to have that life, she'll change her tune.

  3. Same story over and over again! its a shame shes being told to be lesser of herself just because her mother is so concerned about who she dates!!!!! i hope she finds independence.

    BTW LOVE the new format! =D

  4. Moms has decided to stop talking to you? You may just need to leave her alone. I know relationships with family can be complex but, if she's not talking to you than at least her poisonous thoughts won't seep into your mind and you can make your own conclusions and assessments.

  5. Something tells me that her Mom is probably in an unhappy relationship with a man that probably didn't have to offer her anything but his gender. I hate when I hear stories things like these. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves from family in order to do better and get better *sad face*